As everyone knows, I have had a few periods of utter stress during our process of adopting W. I know this is very normal. I know there will be days that I will question every tiny decision that gets made because in essence, each of them will effect this process in some fashion. I've had days where I just thought I was absolutely crazy and some days where I felt... Is this how Mother Teresa felt? (No, I am not comparing myself to her.. no where near that!)
The last few days however, I have felt wonderful. I feel good about things. The time is coming closer and closer. I am mailing off our last document needed for USCIS and that will likely be resolved and done in the next 2-3 weeks and then it will be time to submit our dossier to Ukraine and wait for a court date. This could move quickly or it could drag out. I don't know and it is out of my control and I have accepted that.
I was very humbled this week during church service. I feel the Lord just laid it out for me that I am a lucky woman. I have an amazing husband whom would clearly do anything for me. I have two beautiful, healthy and intelligent children who may drive me crazy sometimes, but they are mine and they are here. Last week a church family had a SIX year old daughter die. Suddenly. To my knowledge she was not sick from anything. She was a happy and gorgeous SIX year old. I didn't ask for details, maybe I don't want to know or maybe I don't need to know. But I do know a family had to bury their daughter. I can only pray I don't ever have to do this in my lifetime. I have Parents (we butt heads about a lot, but they would do anything for me), Sister's and niece's that I care for so much. I have a lot of love that surrounds me and I am grateful for this. I have Angels in Heaven who I know fly down I-4 with me to protect me from all the crazy Florida drivers.
I went to service last week with a Hard heart. I was upset that the church wouldn't let me use their dining hall for a spaghetti dinner fundraiser. I spoke with the office director and even though I felt her answer was a little snide, I can understand they have to be fair to everyone. If they let me use it then they have to let everyone use it. I was so angry they wouldn't give me the opportunity. Sunday morning I went back and forth, "Do I really wanna go today? I'm tired. I could use the sleep.", but I mustard it up and went. I enjoyed this week's service and so I went to my Pastor and told him. He began speaking with me a little about W and that he was sorry, but he did welcome me to print fliers and let everyone know the date and time. That was encouraging for me. He then said, "Let's Pray Together" and so he prayed with me right there in the front of the alter under the large Rose Window. I felt so blessed in that moment. He said to me, "The money will come. If it is God's will for you to be this boys Mother then it will happen". It is hard to feel so positive all the time because there is so much fighting against you. I know I am working hard. My family knows, and my friends. More importantly, God knows.
This is what I have to trust in. I have to put my Faith out there and let the world know I am fighting for this boy. If someone feels led to help me then so be it and it will be appreciated far more then I could ever say. I believe in this boy and our decision. I believe we are meant to be his parents and his siblings and this is what is important.